Sry I called you an 8
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would ride that face into the sunset
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.