I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
