I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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