There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize