i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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