i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I could fuck to npr.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
