My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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