My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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