i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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