Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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