Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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