i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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