new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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