You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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