I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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