The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
bring money and cleavage
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
