I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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