Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
