i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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