Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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