so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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