I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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