i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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