in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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