New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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