Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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