TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
