piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...