Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy