oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis