Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
