ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
