I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
