Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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