Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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