Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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