Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
