Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
