I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize