I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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