We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
