i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
