i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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