if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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