areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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