Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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