Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
