You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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