please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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