you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
