Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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