It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.