well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences